


The Haunted Haunted House

by Tish



Category: Sapphire and Steel
Genre: Gen, Supernatural Elements, Trick or Treat: Trick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 01:58:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12546276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/pseuds/Tish
Summary: A haunted house, tasty green balls, a disappearing frozen goods aisle? Sounds like a case for Sapphire and Steel!





	The Haunted Haunted House

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chillydown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chillydown/gifts).



'It was a dark and stormy night,” the guide paused to let the group collectively groan, waiting a few more seconds so the thunder sound effect could roll over them.

“Eeeek, I'm scared,” came a sarcastic voice from the darkness.

“You should be,” someone, or more accurately, some _thing_ said in a stage whisper from directly behind the guide. It was a deep, animalistic scraping along paving stones sort of sound. It wasn't in the script.

Neneh had been a guide at the haunted house tour for a long time, but she'd never heard anything like the voice that had just spoken. To be honest, the actors they hired simply weren't that good, and any attempts at an ad-lib were just as corny as the “official” script. She clutched her torch a little tighter, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up as the sudden chill struck her. There was dead quiet from the small group as they stared at a spot just over her left shoulder.

A tall man at the back, just sober enough to be allowed on the tour, let out a small whine before bolting back the way they'd come, his footsteps echoing dully as he ran skittering in terror. A woman started to shake her head as she stepped back, one arm reaching out for the wall to steady herself, only to be pushed aside as two men ran by. She pressed back along the wall, fingernails scraping it, then she too was gone. Neneh had watched, frozen and silent as all but one of the group ran away. The sole person left was a tiny old woman who slowly held out a hand to her.

“Slowly. Don't look back. Just walk to me, lass,” the woman said. In any other context, her Edinburgh accent would have been comforting, but there was only firm command in her voice.

Neneh clenched her fist and swallowed down her fear, wiling herself to move. She took a deep breath and was about to take a step when a younger woman spoke.

“No, don't go to her. Listen to my voice, come to us,” Sapphire emerged from the shadows and went to her, Steel followed close behind, staring down at the elderly woman.

Neneh looked at the new arrivals and finally found her voice. “Okay, knock it off, this isn't funny. Trevor, put the lights on now!”

“No, it's not funny, it's deadly serious,” Steel replied, still looming over the woman.

“I'm sorry, it appears that all the other staff have left, too,” Sapphire said. “But you're safe now. She won't harm you.”

“What do you think this lady was going to do, feed me Soor Plooms until I exploded? Look, if this is some practical joke, then ha-bloody-ha, you got me,” the anger started to rise in Neneh's voice as she started to shake.

The old woman sighed softly, tilting her head as she watched the Elements. “My dear child, they are correct. I almost got you.” She smiled and pulled a small paper bag from a pocket, opening it to show the bright green sweets inside, acquiescing as Steel took the bag from her.

“She actually does have Soor Plooms,” Neneh's laugh was too loud and she caught herself. “Okay, show's over. Haunted house is closed for the evening. I can take a joke, but this is just taking the piss.”

She started to storm off, irritation rising as Sapphire quickly caught up with her. She was about to say something when she noticed that the door she was opening was a lot heavier than normal. Sapphire held the door as Neneh gazed in disbelief at the street.

“This isn't right. You can't just trick away a whole street, there's a pub or something where the Tesco is supposed to be,” Neneh shakily pointed across the road. “There's a flipping pub in the frozen food section. What is going on?”

Sapphire chose her words carefully, “Sometimes, things can become shifted, overlaid, exist together where, and when, they're not. I was hoping we wouldn't get any innocent lives involved, but some things move quicker than we anticipate.”

“You saying that we time-travelled? Everything out there is old and whenever then, everything in here is now, right?” Neneh rapped on the door. “Wait, this is different, it's too heavy, no deadbolts.”

Sapphire moved her hand over it. “Mid 17th century construction. Very good to keep invading hoards out.”

“Drunken mobs the same in every century, I guess,” Neneh laughed uncertainly. She shook the skeleton hanging near the door. “Boney Maroney's still plastic, thankfully. I don't think I could handle seeing a real skeleton right now.”

Sapphire felt along the walls. “Fixtures and fittings are all modern, so with any luck we're safely in a time bubble.”

“With any luck,” repeated Neneh.

“Yes, by the way, my name's Sapphire, and my friend Steel is busy with those little sweets, shall we see if he's found anything interesting?” Sapphire shut the main door and locked it with a heavy clang.

 _I have_ , Steel replied silently.

“I'm Neneh, people see it written down and try to say neen, or naynay or something, but it's just like Nina. Listen to me rabbit on,” Neneh held her fingers to her temple as they walked.

“You're trying to process an entirely new situation, it's okay,” Sapphire smiled. “You have a lovely name.”

“I'm a fake tour guide of a haunted house that's actually haunted, that's a new situation,” Neneh replied quietly as they returned to Steel and the old woman, ensconced in a small room behind the main performance space.

Steel held up a small green ball, rotating it so it reflected off the dim lighting.

“Mrs Dorman down the way makes the best wee sweeties, all the bairns love them, you know,” the old lady was all sweetness and light as she rested on a small armchair in a corner.

“I expect she does, just not this particular one,” Steel replied as he crushed it between his fingers, sending green sparks and spirals of light into the air.

The old lady's face dropped in disappointment. “Such a waste of good food.”

“You know very well that one was not food, madam,” Steel answered her sternly.

Neneh looked at Sapphire for an answer.

“A power source, basically,' she replied, not giving away anything more.

Neneh thought for a moment, then pointed to near where she'd originally been standing. “We use projections of ghosts and things, did she use that to project a really freaky monster behind me? Did you?”

“Such a clever lass,” smiled the old woman.

“I'd ask you to come work for us, but I think you'd have to tone it down a bit. You'd drive away all our customers,” Neneh folded her arms and watched her suspiciously.

“I find it strange how humans are drawn to places like this to be scared on purpose,” Steel picked up a werewolf mask and examined it, mystified.

“Pay good money, too,” shrugged Neneh. “Wait a minute, you say _humans_ like you're not,” she stopped and stared at Steel carefully.

“Well, I believe we might be finished here,” Sapphire strode forward, holding a hand out to help the old woman up as Steel nodded silently.

Neneh looked back outside the room, pointing. “What about outside, what about me?”

“You are where you should be, Neneh,” Steel said in a tone approaching reassurance.

“I better be, I don't want to haunt my own haunted house,” Neneh glared at him.

Steel looked up at an unseen room a flight above them, just before the lights came on, the speakers crackling into life. Neneh nearly jumped out of her skin at the sudden change.

“Neneh? Where'd that group go? Don't say you you gave them 40 whacks with an axe,” Trevor asked wearily.

“Time we were going then,” Sapphire said, daintily taking a Soor Ploom from the bag. “Lovely.”

“Pleasant dreams,” Steel said, a ghost of a smile at his lips.

“Don't you dare!” Neneh replied, shaking her fist at him and trying not to laugh.

“Okay, I was only joking before,” Trevor's voice came from the door as he started to walk in.

Neneh span around, clutching at her chest. She looked back in time to see the three figures fade away, the old woman mouthing “ _Boo!_ ”

Neneh shook her head wryly looking at the stock of black cats, witches' hats, and pumpkins. Who would ever believe her?


End file.
